Wonderful writing

Thursday 03 October 2024

In Year 5/6 this week, we have been writing a recount about discovering a secret parcel linked to our class novel, ‘Secrets of a Sun King.’

The quality of writing has blown me away and the children have really enjoyed adding tension to their work. They have all been keen to share some of their writing and have chosen sentences/extracts to share:

This was the opportunity as everyone was asleep. I was ready to open it and as soon as I did, I became unconscious – James

As dark as an abyss, I had to grab the flashlight from the truck. Wrapped in dazzling vermillion thread – Aubree

The goosebumps on my body rose as I got to the stairs. The adrenaline levels, in my body, shot up – Evie

Shivering, I felt scared. I was not sure if it was midnight or not – Madeleine

It was locked in a safe, but it only took a kick to open it. The parcel was wrapped in gold with a red ribbon – Liam

Without hesitation, I pushed open my bedroom door trying not to make a sound. I edged towards the bathroom. My heart sank, knowing full-well the only door that could make the ear-twitching sound was my grandparents – Noah

I observed the mystifying parcel wrapped in a beautiful white satin bow. My hands were juddering – Kamile

She entered with an inconspicuous lunchbox. It was in my grasp – Lilly C

I suddenly woke up, now was my chance to get the parcel. I was in trouble, but I couldn’t help myself – Honey

Returning the parcel, I had the biggest smile on my face –Leo S

Something deep inside me told me I knew what it was. It was antique with golden swirls in the corner – Valerie

The box was wrapped in camo and smeared with mud. It was very inconspicuous. I stared at it for a second, it seemed to be burnt slightly – Christian

I was almost certain it was time to go. I opened the parcel to reveal… – Freddie

The full moon was out, it was like a torch shining on me. Inside was a perfectly round crystal ball, it has purple smoke inside – Lily W

I walked as quiet as a mouse, trying hard to not make a sound – Charlina

I cut my hand in the process. Now I was scared – Willow

Without hesitation, I stealthily dashed passed the trees – Umar

We all hurried like hungry mice. At lunch, my friends and I crept cautiously like three spies into the Year 5/6 classroom – Murielle

Stealthily, I tip toed out of my room – Tommy

Slowly, I edged towards the door. The parcel was grey with a beautiful lilac silk bow – Summer

Just shy of dawn…     As shy as a fox…     Now I start my descent – Ralph

Help at home – Ask your child about some of the various ways they can begin a sentence. Can they write a short passage recounting something they have done? How can they keep the reader intrigued?

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